October 01, 2004
Good-bye, GA
Last night, we got the news that the PBeM, Grand Affair, was closing it's doors, effective immediately.
GA has long been my favorite game. It started out in early 2003. Kris told me about it and said he'd suggest me to Michael and Ginger if I were interested. I was interested. I came into the game knowing only Rich, Kris, Tara & Theresa. Michael & Ginger, I knew only through watching Rich play in House of Cards. Everyone else were names that I'd never heard of, people that I didn't know and who didn't know me.
But through-out pre-gaming, then once the game actually started, I got to know these people. It started in terms of just the games, then friendships outside of the game grew. And over time, I found some of the best friends that I've ever imagined. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
The game had many bumps along the way. We lost players. We gained new ones. There were problems with visions not being met, angered tempers that needed to be cooled, wounded egos and feelings that needed to be mended. It should have been expected with a troupe-style game of this size. But even through the trials and tribulations, the love of the game remained for most of the players. It's what caused the game to be brought back from the brink twice - first when Michael and Ginger were too drained to continue GMing, then when the mods had the same drain on them. I think it says a lot that, even when the seven of us that had taken our hand at the helm got too tired to steer any more, we still stayed on board as passengers.
These people brought me to new writing heights. Just by writing with them, being drawn into the world they've created, I found myself writing better, more clearly, finding the right words for what I wanted to say. I always had possibilities in my head for another storyline with my characters. Through almost the whole year and half that the game ran, I looked forward to the next e-mail, or bounced on my toes waiting for the next opportunity for me to respond.
GA touched my life and it made me better in so many ways. I will always be grateful for it. I hope to have the opportunity to game again with all of the wonderful people that were a part of GA. Maybe our characters will cross paths again some day.
Good-bye, GA
Posted by amber at 06:54 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
March 01, 2004
Why Jayla and Mirelle are what they are
Yesterday, we had the Mods Conference for GA. All in all, it went very well. Those of you in GA will be hearing about the results shortly.
But some discussion I had with Katie after the conference, and the smut vs. plot debate, got me thinking about my two original characters in the game - Mirelle and Jayla and why they are the way they are.
When GA started, it was a smut game. And I created my characters for such. Their primary purpose, the hooks they had in them, their background, was to be open and available to as much smut as possible. They were designed to look for casual sex, though of different kinds.
Jayla is the jadded, "sex for something to do" kind. She doesn't have a good sexual relationship with her hudband. Casual sex is something done often among the bored upper echelons of Mystaran society. As discretely as possible, of course - you don't want to flaunt your lovers under your husband's nose, especially if he is the one in power. But it still happens, and often. Casual sex with someone you just met isn't anything to cause concern or titillation among those in Mystara that she knows, and it's not anything she would think twice about. She has other hooks - primarily, the desire to sway as many people to the side of the younger son in the possible throne war coming. And she will do so by any means necessary. Sex, flattery, whatever is needed.
Mirelle is more the open love sort. She equates the importance of sex with the importance of a hug - it makes both people feel good and it can happen among people who like one another (even in the most general terms). She's open to sex among either sex, as long as it's consentual. So if she likes someone, and they are open for it, she doesn't see the problem with spending a pleasant afternoon in bed together. She has no problems hugging or kissing anyone in public. The only thing that keeps her from being even more open in public, as she would most definitely be in Alshion, is that Amber is a different place and that she has respect for her brother and tries not to embarass him. She's got the advantage of needing to rediscover Amber and her sibs to help her in the non-sexual arena, but the underlying ability for sexuality is still very strongly there.
For awhile, as more players were introduced and more people wanted more plot in their smut, I started feeling gulity and shallow because my characters were all about smut. Jayla's been with Gavin, Pyotr and Richard thus far. Mirelle with Vanessa and the girls at MW (Sam, Francesca, Leonora). And they're only partway through day 1. How one dimensional they are! But I didn't know how to change it.
But between yesterday and today, I realized that I don't have to change them. I don't have to pull back on that aspect of them. This is a smut game. It means they should be looking for smut. Their smut DOES have reason, because it's built into who they are. It's not stretching things for them to have sex with various people at various times. And they are growing, outside of the confines of their beginings, outside of the confines of sex.
Mirelle is finding things out about herself and her family, mending past issues, and has a lot of possibilities for her future. She's growing as I talk to people about backstories and future possibilities. She has a lot of potential.
And Jayla - I'm finding that Jayla has the possibility to become something she never thought she could be, if she meets the right person. She can become something more than just a bored housewife looking for sex, not believing in love. I'd like to find someone that she connects with, someone that she can love. I don't know if it will happen, but she's going to be a lot more open to the possibility. Of course, she could be kicking herself in the future. Richard offered to open that door for her and she couldn't see it. And it could be too late. But then again, the game has a lot of time left in it. Who knows what the future will bring.
So my girls are who they are. And I'm not making apologies to myself for them any more. Will it make it harder for me to write with some people who need more reasons for their liasons? Maybe. But I can't let that bother me. My girls won't want for partners, I know. And they won't lack for character development. They have a lot going for them.
(Rhi, of course, is a different story. She came in after the inception of the game so I was in a different place when I created her. But I am rethinking a few things regarding her sexuality. )
Posted by amber at 09:15 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
February 26, 2004
Amusing
Liz found this and posted hers on LJ. Since all my game-related posts go here, here it is instead. I tried to remember everyone in game that my girls have been with or are seriously interested in (Delwin and Mirelle are in there because it's written, it just hasn't happened yet.) The results are quite amusing - particularly the results for Mirelle and Leonora. "Tour" indeed! :)
♥Mirelle and ♥Delwin |
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Orchestrated by  ianiceboy |
♥Mirelle and ♥Leonora |
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Orchestrated by ianiceboy |
♥Mirelle and ♥Samantha |
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Orchestrated by ianiceboy |
♥Mirelle and ♥Vanessa |
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Orchestrated by ianiceboy |
♥Jayla and ♥Gavin |
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Orchestrated by ianiceboy |
♥Jayla and ♥Pyotr |
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Orchestrated by ianiceboy |
♥Jayla and ♥Richard |
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Orchestrated by ianiceboy |
♥Jayla and ♥Reinier |
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Orchestrated by ianiceboy |
♥Mirelle and ♥Corwin |
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Orchestrated by ianiceboy |
♥Rhianwyn and ♥Luke |
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Orchestrated by ianiceboy |
Posted by amber at 06:55 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
February 24, 2004
Giddy over Characters
The bad mood that was brought on by being buried under budgets at work has been pushed aside for awhile.
It looks like Rhi WILL be going to the Ball with Luke. She's jumping up and down inside of me, thinking that she may have to change her gown to something more sophisticated or prettier. She's too far into the "Eeeee!" stage to listen to me when I tell her that Luke will love the gown that she has for that night.
Though, she is still a bit nervous of Rhys' reaction. He could put the kibosh on it. But the look on Luke's face and the way he's doing it NOW... *swoon*
I haven't had an 18 year old inside of me for far too long. They're such fun when they're in love.
Posted by amber at 02:40 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
February 20, 2004
Sleep really does help - and other GA ramblings
I managed to get all but the story thread out this morning and I feel pretty good about what I sent. The story... I'm going to work on that today. Of course, I'm still not sure what I'm going to do for it - Fairy tale, "Mystaran Gossip", "This happened to a friend"... I think it should tie in with Bleys' comment before Fiona and Peri arrived about needing a town of women to satisfy him... but I'm not 100% certain. I'll let it percolate in my mind.
Since the reception is winding down, I need to think about who I want to get in before we close. There really aren't any "gottas". I may check with Deb about doing some offlist or multi-threaded discussion with Mirelle and Gen, since we did want to get them together to talk. Jayla would like to meet the King and I need to see if someone can make that happen. Again, multi-threading might be best. Rhi - there's no one here that she's GOT to meet... though she could run into Reinier here or at the Ball. Either is fine. As long as my girls meet people SOMETIME, that's all that really matters to me.
I need to try to sit down with Paul in IM tonight and reconstruct the Rhi/Iolaus thread. We've been backburnering that for awhile and I'd really like to get it back into play. For all that I'm more secure in Rhi right now, every little bit of playing her helps.
Thinking about the reception, I'm also not sure what my girls will be doing AFTER the reception - between it and the Ball. The only thing I know for certain is that Jayla is planning on watching the sun setting ceremony. But before that... *shrug* She'd probably either wander or find someone to purposefully chat with. Most likely keep away from her husband. :)
I think I'm going to send Rhi wandering - maybe finding somewhere else to paint before she has to get ready for the Ball. Unless anyone else has any other ideas for her.
Mirelle - Mirelle is still burning with curiosity about the flowers. Very much so. I'm not quite sure if she's going to actively follow that up or not between the reception and the Ball. Otherwise... hmmm... I can't think of anyone that she specifically HAS to talk to. But if anyone wants to meet with her or come across her or whatever, I'm up for it.
Something will come up for all three of them. It always does. And things that I would never expect, I'm sure. I really look forward to it, too. There are so many fantastic writers around, everything will be good.
Though, that reminds me, I do still need to find out if Jim's up for the backstory with Caine and Mirelle. I've been in hide mode online lately so I haven't come out to ask him. And send an e-mail to ask a question - the thought! :)
So, a few things to think through. But a relaxed state of mind to do it, so that's good.
Happy Amber = Happy, relaxed writer. I need to be this way more often, I think. I like it.
Posted by amber at 09:18 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
February 18, 2004
She's so fickle
My muse is playing the "catch me if you can" game again. The other night, I was pleased with what I wrote for my various threads. I'm back to feeling eh about them again. All of my threads feel just a little off to me - like it's not the best way I could have said what I was trying to say or the words and actions are very lame. But I can't make them come any clearer in my mind. The few words that Rhianwyn spoke yesterday were re-written no less than ten times. It took me 20 minutes to figure out how to tell Del & Sand that Mirelle wanted to speak with them without being offensive. In the offlist thread, Mirelle feels like she's stepping on toes but I felt like she had to speak anyway.
And now there's the Jayla onlist thread. I got a lot of wonderful ideas for stories - some great fairytales to smutterize, but no ideas of how to do it at the moment. It's as though my mind has gone completely blank. I've forwarded the e-mail to myself to reply to (since it had already downloaded to my e-mail this morning). I'm going to try to work on it at lunch, but I'm not sure how successful I'll be. I'll have to let it percolate in my brain while I work today.
It's almost like my muse is tickling at the edge of my brain, teasing me with almosts and could-bes. It's more frustrating than if she were to depart my presence all together. I wish I knew what to use to tempt her firmly back into my mind. Somehow, I don't think chocolate is going to work like it would for me.
Posted by amber at 08:59 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
February 17, 2004
Rhianwyn and Iolaus Smut
I think I found the problem with the Rhi and Iolaus smut. Everything started off to quickly. That's why I had this rushing sense through it - especially lately. The more I think about it, the more I realize that Rhi would not have gotten completely undressed in an unsecure place at the request of a man who she had only shared a wonderful kiss with. It doesn't make sense and that's what's been nagging at me for so long.
I still think the scene is workable, only in a slightly different format. So I've asked Paul if he minds scrapping a portion of what we've done on it (but not the whole thing) and starting anew. I feel guilty asking it - he's written some good stuff. But it's just not true to Rhi and forcing it isn't fair. So we'll see if we can get it to work slightly differently, just veer off in a slightly different direction.
Of course, for all that I hate scrapping what's been done so far, it also pleases me. It means that Rhi is finally talking to me! About time, too.
Posted by amber at 01:36 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Stories
I'm waiting for Mel's post, then I'll probably have to come up with a story for Jayla to tell the small group around her. It will most likely be sexual in nature, but not quite bawdy. Just something amusing and having nothing to do with her. Something she's "heard" perhaps. Maybe something she's heard from Astinius.
Or maybe she'll suggest a topic be picked. That might help narrow it down.
I'm so bad at coming up with stories.
Posted by amber at 07:17 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
February 16, 2004
Is it good, is it bad?
I did manage to get all of the game mail, except for Omega, out tonight. Some of it was a little rough to get to come out right.
I'm a little worried about the Rhi/Iolaus scene. I'm not sure why but all of a sudden, the fear that it seems contrived, their getting together... Paul and I are trying to make it last a bit so it's not just "get the young woman off and go" but it keeps seeming like Rhi is going to come any minute now. *sigh* Probably my mood reflecting on things. I should go back and read what we have thus far to see where I'm going with it.
Mirelle's offlist thread in MW is in Sam's lap, so that didn't get answered. Jayla's onlist thread is up to either Peri or Fiona to reply to. Her offlist thread with Gavin is, I believe, in his lap. And her thread with Reinier is definitely in Rey's lap, awaiting his homecoming.
Which brings me to my other two threads - Mirelle's onlist thread with Llewella, Iolaus, Sand, Delwin, Neti and Zarina, and Rhianwyn's onlist thread with Luke and Gerard.
I was actually quite pleased with both threads. Rhi's thread was written second, but came the easiest to me. Part of it, I'm sure, is because I had Rich to bounce some woulda-shouldas off of. At first, she was going to blush at saying the comment about Gerard getting bigger, but then I thought about it. Her comfort-level mischievous nature would probably be more likely to come out. She sees Gerard like a big teddy-bear. That's probably how she remembers him from the last time she saw him. For all his size, she doesn't feel threatened by him. So that thread came easily. And I really liked her growth line.
Mirelle's was a little harder - both parts of the thread. At first, it was trying to get the right phrasing - Mirelle really doesn't have "preferences". She just knows what she likes and what she doesn't and hasn't wanted to quantify it beyond that. So I needed to find the right way to bring that across.
Then there was trying to merge the two threads together. I'd debated making a comment about something spicy coming their way, but I didn't want the sexual overtones for that. For all that Mirelle DOES find Delwin (and Sand, for that matter) attractive, she's not putting her brain there yet. Not until she knows THEM a little better. Her attraction is most often of the soul rather than of the body. If the two coincide, all the better.
Then came introductions and welcomes. I felt a bit stuck. I wanted the bowing, the respect of the whole party. And I wanted to make sure to welcome each of them and introduce Iolaus. But I also wanted to make the comment about meeting the twins again, which wouldn't have worked if she'd welcomed them first. I don't know how it hangs together. I'm a bit iffy on it. I guess we'll have to see.
But in writing and thinking about this, it also got me to thinking about how people react to the things I write. The pieces that I think are brilliantly laid together - for example, Mirelle's comment on what pleases her palete - are little remarked upon. Yet something else that I may not be happy with and may be fussing over, people seem to enjoy more.
It makes me wonder if I'm off from the rest of the world (well, I already know that I am, but for far different reasons than that) or if it's just that I'm too close to the writing. Is it the things that I dash off, letting my subconcious do the work, that strikes people as wonderful turns of phrase? Do I think too much about my posts? Or maybe not enough?
And am I starting to wander down the paths of incessant babbling once again. *sigh* It's been a long day, I think.
I need to remember this:
What I write is good. Some is better than others. The gems are there for each person to find and enjoy. Some like rubies, some diamonds, some aquamarines. Just because I think I've found a shimmering blue aquamarine among the pile of loose gems doesn't mean that a lover of sapphires won't find their perfect gem elsewhere.
Be satisfied with what you write, Amber. No one writes like you. No one phrases things as you do. You are unique. And you must be doing something right because no one is running away from the chance to write with you. Write something. Send it out. Let it rest. Go on to the next. And be proud of what you have wrought, be it a sentence, a paragraph or a whole story. You've done your best, always.
And that ends the rambling and self-building for tonight.
Posted by amber at 07:43 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
February 12, 2004
Rhianwyn
This isn't her character discussion - I don't have the mental capacity right now. But I do want to write a little about her.
I have her in two threads at the moment. The one is the public thread with Luke - he seems to be making her blush quite a bit lately. The sincerity with which he delivers the lines he says are what wins her over the most. She definitely wants a chance to spend more time with him. The dance he's asking for will most happily be granted. I won't get to answer it until tomorrow, of course, but I really like the way it's going. I look forward to seeing what future meetings will bring.
The other thread is the offlist thread between Rhi and Iolaus. I'm at the point of her orgasm and - believe it or not - I'm having a hard time writing it. I think it's because it's been so long since my first orgasm at the hands of another that I'm not 100% certain what to write. Because of what it is, I want it to be more than "and she came and came and came and was satisfied." I want to write more evocatively about it. I may have to wait until the weekend for it.
Rhi keeps going from clear to nebulous in my mind. I think it's because I haven't been writing her as much lately. I probably should write something else with her. I've got to. I've got offers. It's just getting it started. And I should probably read over what's been written already. That might help some, too.
She's got a lot of potential. It's just getting her to realize that potential.
Posted by amber at 09:45 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
February 09, 2004
Writing that's Worth It
Usually, I'm chomping at the bit for game mail throughout the day. It gives me much needed breaks from the World at Large, helps keep me sane, and gives me something to look forward to. I look forward to get them, replying to them, and waiting for the next ones to come in.
The backstory that I'm writing with Arref is different.
Not because it's no good - on the contrary, it's fantastic. But rather than be the ones that I wait for so I can answer them and then wait impatiently for the next one to come, I know Arref's won't be answered at work.
Why?
Because they are so fantastic, so complex, that I want to write a lot and want to do my writing partner justice. I just read the latest bit that he sent me and it has my brain churning, wishing I were home so I could sit down and do it justice. I'm lucky enough that they usually come in the latter half of my day so I can let ideas percolate on my way home.
It's a different writing world than the one I usually inhabit and it's a nice, and welcome, change. Not that the quicker back and forths that I do during the day aren't great - Gods, they are! But this is a wonderful, fantastic change of pace and I count myself lucky while this story goes on to be writing it with Arref.
You, sir, are a Master. Thank you for letting me be a student.
Posted by amber at 04:11 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
February 03, 2004
GA - Where I Am, Where I Will Be
Last night, I hit one of my uber-bitch, poor-pity-me episodes. Poor Paul had to deal with it all. I was feeling bored and had no threads active and decided that, rather than do something about it (like get Arref the backstory idea for Ben/Mirelle), I'd be a whiney bitch. I've really got to stop that.
Paul seemed to think that my need for more backstory, more storylines, etc. is me trying to hard, wanting to be liked, etc. But it's not that. It's boredom. All of the threads I'm in - on and offlist right now - are about one post a day. Some of them, like Reiner/Jayla and the MW thread, I understand because of real life concerns that can (and should) take precidence. But my thread with Rich... I don't know why he doesn't post more regularly to me. I've tried talking to him, he says he's sorry and he'll do better, he does better for a couple days, then it's back to how it was. Yet, he says it's not because he's lost interest in the thread. *sigh*
So what happens most nights is that I get home, answer my various game mails and then sit and wait, chatting a bit with Paul or Deb or Liz. And get frustrated. The only mail that seems to have any fast turn around time is my mail with Deb for SoM.
So, I'm not sure how to fix this. I don't want to burn myself out quickly, but I also don't want to drown in boredom because I don't have enough to keep me busy. It's almost like work in that respect. Balancing is such a bitch.
There are a couple backstory ideas in the works, but I'm really not sure where they stand. A couple are on my plate, a couple on other peoples. There's also a good bit that Paul and I are talking about for during the ball - non-smut and incredibly cute. We just have to make sure to get it in early for it to work.
Now a little about my characters:
Mirelle
I'm still not completely sure of her past relationship with Llewella, which makes it kind of difficult to play off of her now. I feel kind of... at a standstill? I don't know. I definitely have the small-talk feel in this conversation. Not a bad thing. I just have to figure out how to make it work for Mirelle.
Not knowing how long this thread is going to go on with Llew & Iolaus, she may next shift to Sand and Delwin when they are free. Or see who else is out there. Possibly go talk to Astinius. A chronicler would interest her, I think. She'd be very curious to know what, if anything, he knows about her Shadow (and dammit, the name of it is eluding me at the moment.)
Jayla
Flirting with Bleys is... interesting. I'm starting to lose a bit of a hold on her right now, though. She's slipping away in my mind. I feel like I'm forcing her in backstory and in current thread. And I don't know how to get her back at the moment. Maybe I need to completely submerse myself in her again. Just for a night. Maybe.
Partly because I'm losing her, I think, I'm not sure where she wants to go next. She'd definitely like a chance to meet the King, Caine, Corwin... but she's not quite sure if she'd look to any of them without introduction. Maybe she'll wander. Again, not sure how long or short this thread is going to be.
Rhianwyn
I'm more in her head than I was, but I'm having a hard time figuring out where the conversation should go. She likes Luke. He's a nice guy. She's feeling more comfortable with him. But she also doesn't want to start inane conversation. *sigh*
I THINK Paul and I will be starting our bit with Rhi and Iolaus today. Depending on his internet status at work. That will help me flesh her out a little more. I also should think of some other backstory stuff for her. Not necessarily smut stuff but something to pull her out a bit more. Liz offered, but I don't know how much writing she can do at the moment and I don't want to impose on her. Besides, I should think of an idea first.
Lots to think about for my girls.
Posted by amber at 08:56 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack